Fantasy Survivor Episode 5 Recap! SPOILERS
Previously on (PAUSE) Jerbybor:
The premier - Human cigarette ensures everybody hates her by quitting the game.
Second episode - Lifetime basement dweller shows legendary levels of incompetence and finds out Survivor is hard.
Third episode - Gamer tries to play end-game in week 3.
Fourth episode - Inauthentic perennially bitter-beer-faced jackass tells people he just met he "loves them" and they are his "family" and then proceeds to immediately quit on them, after force-crying his life story at an enraged Jeff Probst.
On to the fifth episode...
Like most really gnarly shits, Sean left a stain. Sifu asked Sean at the end of tribal if Sean voted for him and like a good little shitstain, Sean decided to run over his alliance with a semi truck; the very people who wanted him in the game. Sifu asks who voted for him, and Julie uses the classic "I'm not ready to talk about it" defense. Sifu asks Dee if she's concerned and Dee gives us an almost psychopathic serial-killer, icy cold "it's always surprising to see your name." Sifu plays it cool that night but can't contain himself. He arts and crafts an idol and not-so-casually declares he has an idol and then threatens J Maya with some tai chi air bender shit. This might end up working in his favor as Dee and Julie might just throw the self-flagellating J Maya off the island for funsies.
Julie is the surprise of the season for me, I love her in confessional, she seems more clever than she lets on, and she seems like she's a perfect alliance match for Big Toe the Smoke Show. Where Sean failed Sabiyah but letting her go after Kaleb for no good fucking reason, Julie has a spine and seems to be able to push back against Dee's plans.
My favorite part of the episode was the three minutes of Dee indirectly/directly calling Sean an excuse-filled, pathetic, game-ruining quitter. They should play that section at the all school assembly at Sean's school.
Jake passed out again after standing up when Bruce calls him a lazy ass. He gets pissed at himself in the most relatable way - your body failing you when your mind knows you can do more is rage inducing. Especially after his incredible transformation, both physically and personally. It would be a shame if a person that committed to making himself better gets med evac'd, but the allusion to it is hard to ignore. Chekov's gun or whatever.
No episode is complete without Katurah hating Bruce. But it seems like Katurah is finding common ground based on the hate of "Bruce ishness." Bruce takes the popular position of "Women giving birth isn't impressive," then brilliantly says his tribe is the "dumbest" for wanting to ration food, and then frosts that cake with "You gonna talk about it or do it." Hitting the trifecta of anti-woman, fighting over food, and being bossy.
Kaleb shows why he's dangerous by warning Katurah that the tribe is coming up on her looking for an idol. A great move because it works both ways. Makes the tribe think that you're calling her out, and makes her think that you're on her side protecting her. Sloppy Katurah and Bruce are set for a battle. Kaleb - somehow - seems safe. It all seems like it comes down to Kellie. And Kaleb tells Kellie about Sabiyah's idol. Sharing info has been the meta of the game so far this season, and it seems to be working.
The challenge sees Reba win, Lulu come in second and Belo get smacked around. Kaleb was a stand out again, "ripping through" his section and hitting a target first try. Target just continues to get bigger.
Austin, Kellie, and J Maya head on an adventure. They come back with amulets of war. Austin is right, there's no way they're using it together, and I hope J and Kellie aren't foolish. That would be like believing that the group members are going to do their work in a group project. They won't. And you'll be the one who fails. The amulets make more sense knowing what's coming next week...
Brando plays his hardest. He tries to get a Pokemon alliance going but Drew insta-denies it like a hot girl at the bar getting hit on by a 63 year old with a white beemer. He then tries to throw the astrologer out the universe, and then blames it on Drew to Emily, thereby creating distrust. Drew could have had it easy if he kept the shot in the dark that Brando offered him and showed that receipt to Emily. Drew looked screwed. But at the eleventh hour, Austin's honesty about his amulet allowed Drew to convince Emily that Brando was the liar.
Austin uses his revive a vote advantage that he gained from Kaleb and sacrificed his vote to extend his idol's life. Emily ends up voting with Austin and Drew, which is probably better than going with Brando and Kendra. First, Emily has been to too many tribal councils. Second Austin and Drew are more shield worthy and Emily definitely has some serious win equity and her analytical brain knows it.
Next week we have the start of the Mergatory. They'll all be on the same beach. Amulets will be playable and everyone will know about them. Can't wait to see what happens next time on.... Survivor.
P.S.
If you made it this far... good for you. There's a new rule dropping next week! And remember, at the merge (not next week but likely the following) everyone gets to add a new player.